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I think most young professionals can relate to this situation. You are at work with multiple degrees and possibly years of experience. You walk into work feeling confident and then you encounter someone who has been working in the field longer than you have even been alive. They question you and make you question yourself. The self-confidence is gone and you are back to ground zero. Sound familiar?
This was me for years. As soon as someone I perceived to know more than me had a different opinion, I stopped standing up for myself. The self-confidence was hard to find, and then it happened. Someone brand new to my classroom has vastly different opinions than me. She pulled out her resume and years of experience. I started to back down and then I thought to myself, “Wait. I have had these kids for two years! I know them well and my opinion is worth just as much.”
I’ve done some reflecting and I have four tips for you. I wish I could tell you that everyone would respect you for the ideas in your head, but I can’t. What I can do is share advice that has helped me.
Speak from knowledge
It is easy to feel defensive in these situations, but the best case is to come back with knowledge. Speak from what you know and speak with authority. When you can, mention sources and past experiences. It is much better to say, “I recommend this replacement behavior based off of … ” and fill in a training you attended, a book you read, or a previous situation you encountered than to say, “I just know him better.” Charm them with your expertise.
Compromise
The other party wants their opinions heard as much as you want yours heard. The best way to accomplish this is to work together. Remember, everyone has something to bring to the table. Listen to her recommendations, make yours and try and find a solution together. The more you value each other’s input, the stronger the relationship will be.
Don’t take it personally
This situation is not a negative reflection on you as a person or your expertise. It is something that has likely to have happened to most of your colleagues and friends at some point in their career. The most important person you need to believe in you is you. Keep coming to the table with smart, sound opinions and people will start to take value in what you have to say. It takes time, but you will get there.
Be kind
This is my advice in almost every situation. There has never been a time in any conflict in which being rude got me where I needed to be. Remain kind and respectful in every conversation. Treat her the way you want to be treated. Kindness does not solve everything, but it also doesn’t hurt anything.
It is a tough situation, but stand up for yourself in a respectful way. If you value your expertise, others will too!
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